Author: admin_deb

I often think of tears.

I find that tears can be healing. There is a release when we weep – and scientific studies that confirm it is significantly healthier to cry than to hold it in. In a nutshell, a good cry serves as a crucial emotional release valve that lowers stress hormone levels, releases “feel-good” endorphins and calms the nervous system. Conversely, suppressing tears is linked to higher blood pressure, a weakened immune system and increased anxiety.

I think on some level that the culture of Jesus’ time understood this. Last week I reflected on the story in Matthew 9:18-26. A Roman official named Jairus approached Jesus because his daughter had died. Jesus immediately felt compassion and followed him home. In the house were paid mourners. Someone was playing a somber tune on the flute, others were wailing. Tears beget more tears, so the purpose of the paid mourners was to actually encourage mourning, tears and wailing.

No matter if the loss was recent or in the past, a memory, a song on the radio or at church, the smell of a flower or the taste of a favorite recipe can be enough to send a flood of tears. Yet, in our culture, it is common to apologize to others when we weep.

No need to apologize. The tears are a moment of grace. Jesus wept. The women following Him wept. Although the men of modern history have been frequently taught to squelch their feelings, they are not exempt from this very human response. One way or another, these suppressed emotions will find their way out.

I cannot listen to the Ave Maria by Schubert without a strong physical and emotional response. Most of us can relate to this. I know someone who lost her seven-year-old son around the same time that the song “Tears in Heaven” was released. Eric Clapton wrote that song shortly after the tragic death of his four-year-old son:

“Beyond the door, there’s peace, I’m sure.

And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven”

Remember, we, your St Paul’s family, are here for you, tears and all.

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     In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here. Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions

A friend of mine was recently in a car accident. At first, she didn’t think she was injured. The following day, however, she was in pain with the effects of whiplash.

I’ve been thinking about this: Delayed reactions and prolonged hurt.

We recently celebrated Ascension Thursday. I couldn’t help but envision the “emotional whiplash” that the apostles must have experienced at Jesus’ coming and going. They depended on Him, followed Him, trusted Him. His own Mother was part of that intimate group.

Imagine the ups and downs of Palm Sunday, quickly followed by His horrific Passion and death, the confusion and joy of the Resurrection and Easter, the reunions and finally His leaving them again. It was a twisting period of pain and loss then joy, and then they seemed to be alone again, bereft. But Scripture tells us that they felt joy as they returned to Jerusalem to await the Holy Spirit.

Our experience with loss is much like this. As the days unfold, there are times of tears, times of laughter. Times of loneliness and times of overwhelming support.

Often, I can feel the presence of my deceased loved ones, that they have returned to me spiritually, infusing my very being. But there are also times they feel so very far away because I want more – to see their faces, to hear their words, to hold them again.

I do believe that when I pass on someday that they will greet me, that we will be reunited. I cannot now imagine what awaits me if I am faithful to Him. But what if I wasn’t faithful enough? What if my human perceptions fof eternal life are wrong?

Emotional whiplash, meet whiplash of faith.

In the silence of prayer where I draw closer to God, whiplash can find healing. Although I still do not understand it all, I do not need to. I know in my heart that because ours is a merciful God, I will be met with joy and the completion of love!

***

     In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here. Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions

Happy New Year!

This month I would like to present a compilation of resources that you may want to explore or pass along to someone who could benefit from them.

I am the type of person who does her research. I like to be as prepared as possible for the new experiences that come my way.

Of course, nothing can prepare us for the death of a loved one. At the same time, many of us need help and support when that time comes. The loss of a family member can be unsettling, at the very least. We are often surprised by the depth of the emotional pain that results and how that affects our day-to-day lives.

Seeking support not only helps one to realize that you are not alone in your journey of grief, but also to honor the person you lost. Support can help you turn post-traumatic stress into post-traumatic growth.

Most of the following are not-for-profit organizations that offer telephone support, Zoom and/or in-person meetings, as well as programs and events:

St. Paul’s Bereavement Groups

      Each autumn, St. Paul’s offers a six-week group program for those who are grieving. It culminates with a beautiful Memorial Mass in the church. In addition, we offer, as requested, sessions such as “Coping During the Holidays.” Smaller, informal-sharing groups sometimes follow these more structured programs.

Volunteers in St. Paul’s Consolation Ministry are also available to visit and help those who mourn. There is no timeline, no “right “or “wrong” way to grieve.  Call 518-225-1170 for more information.

This spring, St. Paul’s will host a 13-week on-site GriefShare program, which will discuss ways of coping with grief in all its unpredictability and help participants gain support along the way. GriefShare is a nationwide Christian-based organization. Watch the bulletin for upcoming announcements about this program or call Kate Gallaher Carson at 914-850-5107 for more information. GriefShare can be reached directly at griefshare.org or 800-395-5755

Hospice of Orange and Sullivan Counties

Hospice offers family support on an individual basis or in groups, coordinated by professional staff. There are groups for all survivors, including children and siblings, and your loved one need not have received Hospice care for you to be eligible for assistance.

For more information: 845-561-6111 Ext. 232 or hospiceoforange.com.

United Hospice

Through United Hospice’s Healing Hearts program, support is available for children and their parents or guardians who have experienced the loss of a loved one. It is open to the community.

For more information: 845-634-4974 or unitedhospiceinc.org

The Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends is an organization specifically for those who have suffered the loss of a child. Meetings are offered online as well as in person.

For more information:  877-969-0010 or compassionatefriends.org.

Soaring Spirits International

Soaring Spirits International is an organization for widows and widowers. It also sponsors Camp Widow to foster connections among widowed people, a Pen Pal program for those who would rather correspond with one person consistently and other regional social groups.

For more information: 877-671-4071 or

soaringspirits.org.

Beginning Experience

Beginning Experience is a peer led, religious-based organization for widowed and divorced men and women offering various programs and semi-annual weekend retreats. These events are advertised in the St. Paul’s bulletins as space permits.

For more information: 845-325-3147 or beginningexperienceHV.org.

Additional resources

Many people benefit from professional therapy following a traumatic loss. Your primary physician can make a referral, and this is often covered by insurance.

There are also many books and written materials available to assist one who is searching. Some to consider are:

• “A Grief Observed” by CS Lewis
• “Grief’s Courageous Journey” by Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang
• “On Death and Dying” by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
• “Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith” by Lorene Hanley Duquin
• “Finding Meaning” by David Kessler