Joan and Kathy Miller will continue to pray the Rosary for World Peace before the 5 o’clock Mass. They welcome others to join them and will begin at 4:15 p.m. Saturdays.
They will use the first few rows on the right-hand side of the main church.
Author: admin_deb
CONSOLATION CORNER – EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH
A friend of mine was recently in a car accident. At first, she didn’t think she was injured. The following day, however, she was in pain with the effects of whiplash.
I’ve been thinking about this: Delayed reactions and prolonged hurt.
We recently celebrated Ascension Thursday. I couldn’t help but envision the “emotional whiplash” that the apostles must have experienced at Jesus’ coming and going. They depended on Him, followed Him, trusted Him. His own Mother was part of that intimate group.
Imagine the ups and downs of Palm Sunday, quickly followed by His horrific Passion and death, the confusion and joy of the Resurrection and Easter, the reunions and finally His leaving them again. It was a twisting period of pain and loss then joy, and then they seemed to be alone again, bereft. But Scripture tells us that they felt joy as they returned to Jerusalem to await the Holy Spirit.
Our experience with loss is much like this. As the days unfold, there are times of tears, times of laughter. Times of loneliness and times of overwhelming support.
Often, I can feel the presence of my deceased loved ones, that they have returned to me spiritually, infusing my very being. But there are also times they feel so very far away because I want more – to see their faces, to hear their words, to hold them again.
I do believe that when I pass on someday that they will greet me, that we will be reunited. I cannot now imagine what awaits me if I am faithful to Him. But what if I wasn’t faithful enough? What if my human perceptions fof eternal life are wrong?
Emotional whiplash, meet whiplash of faith.
In the silence of prayer where I draw closer to God, whiplash can find healing. Although I still do not understand it all, I do not need to. I know in my heart that because ours is a merciful God, I will be met with joy and the completion of love!
***
In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here. Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions
RAFFLE UPDATE
We are in the throes of the 2026 Parish Raffle, and 358 tickets have been purchased to date. That translates into $4,475.00 for St. Paul’s. Remember, we had a $10,000 Winner last year!
Tickets are available in the sacristy after Mass or through the office Tuesday through Friday.
You can also use and/or share the QR code above (also found in the vestibules), which is specific to St. Paul’s, and purchase tickets, at $25 each, online. There are 23 prizes to be awarded, totaling $68,000.
The drawing will take place at 8 p.m. on Saturday, July 18, and will be streamed live at parishraffle.com.
But you have to be in it to win it!
GENERATIONS UNITED
So what exactly is Generations United?
It is a multigenerational ministry with the purpose of organizing various social events throughout the year for parishioners of all ages. It came about as a result of a Listening Session last fall and subsequent Steering Committee meetings.
Generations United hosts the game nights at the end of each month as well as the monthly crochet group. It prepares the monthly calendar at the church entrances to keep parishioners apprised of what’s happening. It sponsored the seed-planting and sip-and-paint evenings this spring. It organized a Christmas celebration that included crafts for kids and a cookie exchange. In July, it is planning a parking lot barbecue after Mass and an evening revolving around a firepit in August. And there’s plenty more in store for next fall and winter.
For more information, check out the bulletin board to the left of the doors as you exit through Deacon John Hall.
“The Chosen,” a summertime choice
While most people have heard of “The Chosen,”
not everyone has seen this historical drama based on the life of Jesus as seen through the eyes of those who knew him.
Generations United would like to correct that.
The group is proposing to show the first of seven seasons of this intimate portrayal of Jesus and his revolutionary teachings during the summer. Because the mission of this ministry is to plan events for all ages, it also has “The Chosen Adventures” DVD for children available if there is interest.
Express your interest by signing up on the Generations United bulletin board and providing the requested information so that a good day and time can be selected. Questions? Email: generationsunited2800@gmail.com
Do you no longer drive at night?
To specifically address the concerns of some of our seniors regarding nighttime driving, Generations United will attempt to link a senior in need of a ride (no children, please!) with someone who lives nearby and is coming to that same event (and carries the necessary liability insurance).
Would you like a ride to the crochet group next Wednesday, June 2, or game night on June 26? Note it on the separate signup sheet on the bulletin board – and be sure to include your contact info and town of residence. WHILE THERE ARE NO PROMISES, every attempt will be made to help those who can no longer drive at night continue to participate.
IN THE MOOD FOR AN ITALIAN MEAL?
Dinner will be served after the 5 o’clock Mass this Saturday.There’s still some room, even if you did not purchase tickets in advance. They’re $15, $10 for seniors and $35 for an immediate family.
SIGN UP FOR FLOCKNOTES
To stay updated on Parish events, click this link to get on the Flocknote mailing. Promise not to flood your inbox!
CONSOLATION CORNER – RESOURCES
Happy New Year!
This month I would like to present a compilation of resources that you may want to explore or pass along to someone who could benefit from them.
I am the type of person who does her research. I like to be as prepared as possible for the new experiences that come my way.
Of course, nothing can prepare us for the death of a loved one. At the same time, many of us need help and support when that time comes. The loss of a family member can be unsettling, at the very least. We are often surprised by the depth of the emotional pain that results and how that affects our day-to-day lives.
Seeking support not only helps one to realize that you are not alone in your journey of grief, but also to honor the person you lost. Support can help you turn post-traumatic stress into post-traumatic growth.
Most of the following are not-for-profit organizations that offer telephone support, Zoom and/or in-person meetings, as well as programs and events:
St. Paul’s Bereavement Groups
Each autumn, St. Paul’s offers a six-week group program for those who are grieving. It culminates with a beautiful Memorial Mass in the church. In addition, we offer, as requested, sessions such as “Coping During the Holidays.” Smaller, informal-sharing groups sometimes follow these more structured programs.
Volunteers in St. Paul’s Consolation Ministry are also available to visit and help those who mourn. There is no timeline, no “right “or “wrong” way to grieve. Call 518-225-1170 for more information.
This spring, St. Paul’s will host a 13-week on-site GriefShare program, which will discuss ways of coping with grief in all its unpredictability and help participants gain support along the way. GriefShare is a nationwide Christian-based organization. Watch the bulletin for upcoming announcements about this program or call Kate Gallaher Carson at 914-850-5107 for more information. GriefShare can be reached directly at griefshare.org or 800-395-5755
Hospice of Orange and Sullivan Counties
Hospice offers family support on an individual basis or in groups, coordinated by professional staff. There are groups for all survivors, including children and siblings, and your loved one need not have received Hospice care for you to be eligible for assistance.
For more information: 845-561-6111 Ext. 232 or hospiceoforange.com.
United Hospice
Through United Hospice’s Healing Hearts program, support is available for children and their parents or guardians who have experienced the loss of a loved one. It is open to the community.
For more information: 845-634-4974 or unitedhospiceinc.org
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends is an organization specifically for those who have suffered the loss of a child. Meetings are offered online as well as in person.
For more information: 877-969-0010 or compassionatefriends.org.
Soaring Spirits International
Soaring Spirits International is an organization for widows and widowers. It also sponsors Camp Widow to foster connections among widowed people, a Pen Pal program for those who would rather correspond with one person consistently and other regional social groups.
For more information: 877-671-4071 or
soaringspirits.org.
Beginning Experience
Beginning Experience is a peer led, religious-based organization for widowed and divorced men and women offering various programs and semi-annual weekend retreats. These events are advertised in the St. Paul’s bulletins as space permits.
For more information: 845-325-3147 or beginningexperienceHV.org.
Additional resources
Many people benefit from professional therapy following a traumatic loss. Your primary physician can make a referral, and this is often covered by insurance.
There are also many books and written materials available to assist one who is searching. Some to consider are:
- “A Grief Observed” by CS Lewis
- “Grief’s Courageous Journey” by Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang
- “On Death and Dying” by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
- “Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith” by Lorene Hanley Duquin
- “Finding Meaning” by David Kessler
CONSOLATION CORNER – REGRET
Regret is a common visitor to those who grieve.
Regret is the sadness that accompanies “If only…” and “I should have…”
Regret is also frequently accompanied by guilt, contrition and disappointment.
My personal experience leads me to advise not to let regret fester. Regret looks back, it lingers in the past and delays or prevents us from moving forward. Regret cannot change the decisions we have made.
There is a reason that the phrase “Hindsight is 20/20” is so commonly used. If we could only see the consequences of our words or actions beforehand, we would be better able to edit ourselves. But we aren’t equipped with crystal balls, and part of the human experience is to make mistakes. That is how we grow.
However, when there is the loss of a loved one, perceived mistakes are often amplified and can overshadow all the blessings in the relationship if we let them.
During this beautiful season on hope, perhaps you will gift yourself with forgiveness. Taste the feeling deep within you when you say, “I did the best I could at that time” or “I am just where I need to be.” We are not defined by our mistakes.
May you have a blessed Christmas and a New Year filled with Peace!
***
In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here. Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions
CONSOLATION CORNER – NOVEMBER’S CHALLENGES
November can be a difficult month for many, even for those who are not grieving. Along with nightfall now arriving in the late afternoon, there seem to be fewer sunny days in general. The month ends with Thanksgiving, the preparations for which can be stressful.
As our days shorten, it is easy to feel sad, especially for those who now find themselves living alone. I have personally learned to take comfort in our Catholic belief in the Communion of Saints: Those who have gone before us are still with us in Spirit.
November opened last week with two significant feast days, All Saints and All Souls, when we celebrate the Communion of Saints. Those feast days give us the opportunity to honor our loved ones and to feel a special connection with them. We prayed for them, and continue to pray for them, as they pray for us.
I saw a video once that portrayed a Mass through the eyes of a grief-stricken man struggling to believe. As the priest walked down the aisle, the man envisioned all his deceased relatives and friends following him, joyfully praising God. They gathered around the altar to celebrate Mass. The man no longer felt alone but was lifted by his belief.
Our experiences of grief and mourning are not only as unique as we are but are altered by the type of loss. The grief experienced when we lose a spouse is not the same as when the loss is a child, a parent, a good friend. Our last encounters also color our mourning – whether we said goodbye, expressed our love and gratitude or resolved an argument.
There are resources to help in this process. Along with the Coping with Loss during the Holidays program that the Consolation Ministry is offering here next Saturday (see “Holidays and Grief” to the right), a publication that I find quite helpful is “Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith,” by Lorene Hanley Duquin.
Remember, too, that God gives us time and grace to deal with loss. We are part of a larger family, the family of God.
We end the month with the blessing of Thanks-giving, and it is a blessing. Maybe preparations need to be scaled down to make the day more manageable. A new tradition might be a good choice or honoring an old one even better. There is no escaping that each holiday evokes memories, some happy and some sad. However, those memories allow us to express gratitude for the years we had with our loved ones and embrace the knowledge that they join us at our table in Spirit and Love.
CONSOLATION CORNER – ANTICIPATORY GRIEF
You probably have heard about the stages of grief that follow the loss of a loved one: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Hope.
Not all of these components are experienced by everyone, nor are they necessarily experienced in what might seem to be a logical linear order. Grief is a very individualized process.
And sometimes the stages of grief even begin well before the loss. It is common to many of us but rarely talked about: Anticipatory Grief.
If your loved one has received news of a terminal illness or a condition for which there is no cure, such as stage 4 cancer or Alzheimer’s or another neurological disease, this will be all too familiar. There is shock and denial: “This can’t be happening” or “There must be a mistake.” Anger: “It’s not fair.” Bargaining: “What if…” or “If only…” Depression: “What’s the point of trying?” “Life will never be the same.” Finally, Acceptance and Hope open the door to finding a way to move forward.
What a terrible dilemma! We want to comfort and care for our loved one, not prepare for their death. It doesn’t feel right somehow.
Caregivers face myriad conflicting emotions: The strain of anticipating – and then coping with – the changes in their loved one, which are heightened by the fear of the unknown. They balance vulnerability with the need to “stay strong,” grief versus gratitude, guilt versus resentment. No wonder caregiving takes such a physical and emotional toll on the caregiver.
Family dynamics can further complicate matters. The bigger the family, the more opinions there are.
Unresolved family issues can bubble up, particularly at a time when the primary caregiver might be seeking help and/or if there are financial concerns.
Practical and spiritual end-of-life decisions must be faced. Documents, such as a Will, Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy and DNR orders, are necessary. Questions of faith also have to be addressed. There are still spiritual lessons to be learned and the comfort of spiritual guidance to be sought.
My husband lived for nine months after his unexpected cancer diagnosis. Although it was a challenge, I treasured the time we spent in deep conversation and prayer. Our faith supported us. There were few surprises when he passed as he also participated in his final goodbyes on earth.
But with some illnesses, there are many slow goodbyes. Death does not have a “timetable.” Loved ones may not understand what is happening and make difficult demands. Some caregivers are faced with the painful decision to remove a loved one from life support, a decision that is easy to second-guess and adds guilt and despair to the emotional mix. When we love someone, we never want to give up hope.
Indeed, each of us experiences life both alone and together, a dichotomy of sorrow. Many in our faith community have walked and are still walking this path of lingering, sad situations. But we are never alone in our communion of saints.
***
. In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here .Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions