I often think of tears.
I find that tears can be healing. There is a release when we weep – and scientific studies that confirm it is significantly healthier to cry than to hold it in. In a nutshell, a good cry serves as a crucial emotional release valve that lowers stress hormone levels, releases “feel-good” endorphins and calms the nervous system. Conversely, suppressing tears is linked to higher blood pressure, a weakened immune system and increased anxiety.
I think on some level that the culture of Jesus’ time understood this. Last week I reflected on the story in Matthew 9:18-26. A Roman official named Jairus approached Jesus because his daughter had died. Jesus immediately felt compassion and followed him home. In the house were paid mourners. Someone was playing a somber tune on the flute, others were wailing. Tears beget more tears, so the purpose of the paid mourners was to actually encourage mourning, tears and wailing.
No matter if the loss was recent or in the past, a memory, a song on the radio or at church, the smell of a flower or the taste of a favorite recipe can be enough to send a flood of tears. Yet, in our culture, it is common to apologize to others when we weep.
No need to apologize. The tears are a moment of grace. Jesus wept. The women following Him wept. Although the men of modern history have been frequently taught to squelch their feelings, they are not exempt from this very human response. One way or another, these suppressed emotions will find their way out.
I cannot listen to the Ave Maria by Schubert without a strong physical and emotional response. Most of us can relate to this. I know someone who lost her seven-year-old son around the same time that the song “Tears in Heaven” was released. Eric Clapton wrote that song shortly after the tragic death of his four-year-old son:
“Beyond the door, there’s peace, I’m sure.
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven”
Remember, we, your St Paul’s family, are here for you, tears and all.
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In an ongoing effort to offer bereavement support, this column, written by Julie Laurenzi, a retired licensed clinical social worker and head of our Consolation Ministry, will periodically appear here. Reach out to her at 518-225-1170 or Julie.laurenzi@gmail.com with questions or suggestions